January 28, 2008

I haven’t told the rest of the team yet, but in 2 weeks I’m going to lay them all off. I’ve found this great company in Indolaysia (or was it Pakinesia?) that is going to handle all of our print projects for just a fraction of what it costs me to do them in house. As I understand it, all I have to do is make deliveries and collect the money from our customers.

AlphaGraphics' New Customer Service StaffThey’ll even handle customer service for me. The company has a call center in Islamadehli staffed with approximately nearly 7,632 people who are all named Danny (pictured at left). When my customers call, Danny will answer their questions and take their orders. If they have a problem, Danny can choose from one of approximately nearly 367 standard answers which may or may not apply to the problem my customer has, but most assuredly will apply at some instance to a problem that my customer may have at a future time.

Once the order is placed, it will be produced at a factory in China. A wee, small amount of lead will be added for flavoring, and it will be shipped via container ship back here to Macon. As I understand it, lead times will extend just a little bit, but the price advantage will certainly make this acceptable, even preferable to my customers.

Design will also be handled by my Indolaysian partner. In fact, we’re going to be using the same design center that the Macon Telegraph (see Telegraph to outsource part of ad production team ) will be using to design their display ads. It is located in Jakartombay. All of the graphic designers there are named Judy and they speak and write perfectly grammatical English as a second language.

I’ll miss all of the nice people who work at AlphaGraphics, but I won’t worry about them too much. As all of the jobs are shipped offshore, they’ll reconsider their need to earn a living. For a while, our government will support them, but eventually they’ll be content with the wages paid in Indolaysia and we’ll be able to operate call centers here for those filthy capitalists in China.

Thanks to McLatchy newpapers and to Pete, Andy and Patsy of the excellent American Express Travel Related Services customer service team in Calcutta for their inspiration. I’m going to send them all a new pair of Chinese made tennis shoes from Wal-Mart for their contribution to AlphaGraphics’ success!