The phrase that kept coming to mind was “showin’ tail,” which can be defined as either the southern pronunciation of that age old and established grammar school activity where every student brings a frog or a doll or a younger sibling to talk about; or the presumably accidental revelation of the anterior part of the anatomy.
This one’s liable to get Poor Richard into big trouble. It’s not just that I’m making fun of a customer (again), but this time it’s a church. Worse, it’s my church. I’ve resisted writing this short entry for a couple of weeks now and I guess I could resist some more. Or, I could use Flip Wilson’s excuse, “The devil made me do it!”
The church that beautiful wife and I attend is a small town congregation. It is a friendly, loving group of folks for the most part, with the occasional unpresentable member Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 12. Like many small congregations, there are many folks there who “do church” on Sunday, a few who are really into church work, and some who really want to find out where God is working and join in. It’s the last group that I’m probably going to be in the biggest trouble with, because what I’m writing about is their undertaking.
The undertaking is undeniably good. It is Celebrate Recovery, which started as a ministry for those suffering with addictions at Saddleback Church. There has been a Celebrate Recovery program in Warner Robins, a larger city to the north of Perry where I live, but nothing in south Houston County, despite the fact that Perry is indeed the center of both the known and unknown universe.
Enough rambling . . . after all, it should have been a simple enough task. Poor Richard was asked to print and mail a postcard advertising the new ministry. All well and good . . . at least until the art came in. The photo of an obviously distressed woman weeping in front of a closed door was effective. It conveyed a message of desperation and would perhaps lead someone in that state to search for an answer beyond themselves.
But one aspect of the photo was just a bit distracting. The woman pictured is wearing a nightshirt and is sitting with her legs propped at an angle. Technically speaking, she isn’t actually “showin’ tail,” but to continue in Southern vernacular, “she purty near is.”
I actually don’t know where the photo and concept came from. It’s possible that it could have been supplied by Saddleback Church as part of the promotional package for Celebrate Recovery. If so, maybe the definition of “nearly nekkid” is different in Rancho Chimichanga, California or wherever it is that the megachurch is located. It is also possible that one of the ladies at our church found the photo and thought it appropriate. Not having a depraved male mind, I suppose they could have missed the distracting part.
It really doesn’t matter much . . . Poor Richard’s never been much on printing photos of scantily clad women. Not that we haven’t been asked. I’ve turned down a calendar job or two over the years and an exotic dancer once threatened to sue me for not printing postcards featuring her topless image. (She really got angry when I told her that she looked better with her clothes on). But I digress . . . this one just didn’t pass the propriety test, especially coming from my church.
I emailed the lady who had sent the art. “Approved by the pastor,” came the response. Unfortunately, the pastor was out of town for a week and the postcard needed to hit the USPS before his return. I emailed a couple of respected leaders in the church. They agreed with me, but didn’t offer much in the way of suggestions.
Many of Poor Richard’s readers will understand that the way decisions are made in churches is unpredictable and occasionally unfathomable. Frequently, the cardinal rule of ecclesiastical decision-making is not to decide at all. So, after much prayer, some good advice and with godly wisdom and great courage; Poor Richard decided to sit on the project until the pastor returned.
What Poor Richard lacked was only a bit of common sense. Fortuitously, the pastor brought some of that back with him from vacation.
“Put the church logo over her bottom,” was the essence of his short email response.
“Duh . . .” thought Poor Richard.
We did and the postcard was in the mail and not “showin’ tail.”